


shrine of your lies

by atsukitas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Fuckbuddies, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mild Smut, Unrequited Love, not really smut tho, whipped kita shinsuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27328471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atsukitas/pseuds/atsukitas
Summary: “will i ever be enough, atsumu?”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 3
Kudos: 67





	shrine of your lies

**Author's Note:**

> ANOTHER UNREQUITED ATSUKITA IM SO SORRY
> 
> here's my entry for hq angst week 2020 <3

_[i wanna be yours — arctic monkeys](https://open.spotify.com/track/5XeFesFbtLpXzIVDNQP22n?si=nNMsm8fIQh6XIe6y9puTWw) _

Talking bodies, gentle kisses, burning touches, soft whispers and tender cuddles with the moon illuminating through the windows and comfortable mattress in a dim, cold room is what Shinsuke loves the most in every single night spent with Atsumu. Especially when he's curled up in Atsumu's embrace, face nuzzled on the latter's neck like it feels home. It's the time where Shinsuke would feel like he didn't want to leave the bed anymore.

Shinsuke would never leave the bed when Atsumu was with him but Atsumu would especially if his special friend called for help. It happened most of the time.

“Shoyo-kun?”

“Shoyo-kun! Where are ya? I'm going there.”

“Shoyo-kun, are ya okay?”

“Shoyo-kun, I'm picking ya up.”

“Don't worry, Shoyo-kun, I'll be on my way.”

Shinsuke could get used to hearing that name all the time, the way it came out of Atsumu's mouth sounded almost the same as the way Atsumu softly whispers Shinsuke's name in the sheets at night—gentle, loving, caring, honey-like.

“Kita-san, fuck—feels so good…”

“Ah, yes, Shinsuke, just like that.”

“Yer so beautiful, Kita-san.”

He got used to those like those were Atsumu's devotions, prayers chanted at night as if he's praising his own god with their fingers intertwined and legs tangled, as if Shinsuke is the only immaculate thing in this world. 

However, those devoted nights and sweet sweet prayers still have an end. Shinsuke knew he's just someone whom Atsumu praises in bed when he needed to let out frustrations from not getting the same love he gives from Shoyo. Shinsuke knew he's just someone whom Atsumu calls at night when he needs sex, unlike Shoyo whom Atsumu calls everyday to tell how his day went or ask if they could meet for movies or lunch.

They had agreed, of course, about this setup. Atsumu and Shinsuke met three months ago on a mutual friend's birthday and they decided to hit it off after trying to bear with the tension between them. And that's where it all started. 

They had a casual relationship, no strings attached, but Shinsuke still fell in love because of Atsumu's words, Atsumu's smile, Atsumu's touch, everything about Atsumu.

Shinsuke is for sex, Shoyo is for loving. 

Atsumu and Shoyo are friends, very very close friends that Shinsuke almost thought they're dating before. But no, because Shoyo has a boyfriend and they've been dating for a year. Shinsuke doesn't know what Atsumu is hoping for. He's always present when Shoyo and his boyfriend fight, he's always the one to save the day when Shoyo is upset about his boyfriend. Shinsuke always wonders if Atsumu ever gets tired.

Because Shinsuke is tired. He's tired of hearing the same familiar words before Atsumu heads out of his room, before Atsumu plants a kiss on his forehead just to leave Shinsuke alone. Again.

“Kita-san, I'm sorry, but I have to leave.”

“Thanks for the good night, Kita-san, but my friend needs some help.”

“Will ya be okay all alone, Kita-san?”

Of course not. He won't be.

But Shinsuke would just nod, and say, “Yeah, of course.” with a smile that won't reach his eyes. Of course, he's lying. 

And then Atsumu would kiss either his lips or forehead as if it's a reassurance that he will be back. 

“I promise, I won't leave again next time.” 

Lies. 

Shinsuke knew it's a lie. He already said that a million times, and yet, Atsumu would end up in his real home, in his friend. In Shoyo.

_I love you._

Shinsuke wanted to tell him so bad.

The same cold night filled with warmth from embraces and gentle caresses would turn into a lonely moment for Shinsuke. The sheets that were once tainted with tenderness of two bodies merging would turn into an empty place that Shinsuke would touch and smell because Atsumu's smell lingered. 

In the end, Shinsuke would just yearn and yearn and yearn. Yearn for Atsumu's love, the love that isn't worth the wait. It is uncertain, quite unknown if he would ever get it.

_Why can't you love me?_

“Kita-san, I found this new movie. Wanna watch it together?” 

It was another night when Atsumu surprisingly called him. 

“Sure.”

“Shoyo-kun didn't wanna watch it with me, but I think this is really good—”

Of course. He wasn't the first choice. He would never be.

“Want me to cook?” Shinsuke immediately cut his words off. 

“Ya will do that for me?” Atsumu sounded happy. “Ya said yer not good at cooking.”

“At least let me try,” Shinsuke sighed. “My grandmother used to teach me, ya know?”

Atsumu chuckled. “Alright, alright, fine. I'll be on my way. See ya, Kita-san!”

“Okay.”

Shinsuke then hung up and immediately went to the kitchen to prepare a late night dinner for Atsumu. He's not good at cooking, but he would try. His grandmother used to teach him her best dishes back in Hyogo before she died. 

And it's Atsumu he's cooking for. Shinsuke could never resist him.

When Atsumu arrived at his apartment, Shinsuke wasn't done cooking yet. Atsumu walked towards him to snake his arms around Shinsuke's waist and bury his chin on his shoulder. 

“That smells good.” Atsumu hummed on his neck, giving it kittenish kisses.

“Don't flatter me. I might start cooking more often.” Shinsuke smiled. 

“Why not?” Atsumu gave more kisses, nuzzling his face on Shinsuke's neck like he couldn't get enough. “I'm hungry.”

“I'm cooking. And we're watching a movie.” Shinsuke reprimanded. “Can't your dick wait?”

“The movie can wait. My dick can't.”

“I'm gonna shoo you away.” 

“Kita-san!” Atsumu whined. “Okay, fine.”

Shinsuke laughed at Atsumu who looked like a child prohibited from eating his favorite candy. He took a seat on the couch and opened the television to look for the movie he was talking about while Shinsuke started to prepare the food he just finished cooking. He smiled to himself. At that moment, it all felt perfect, comfortable, as if Atsumu is his and he is Atsumu's, as if they're happily living together.

Shinsuke wanted it to be real.

“Ya almost burned the kitchen the first time ya tried to cook for me,” Atsumu said after they finished eating. “Now yer food tastes good. Inspired?”

“I'm just a fast learner.”

“Sure.”

“What's that look you're giving me?”

“I wanna kiss ya right now, Kita-san.” 

Shinsuke raised an eyebrow. “We just ate.”

“And I'm not satiated.”

“Wasn't my food delicious?”

“It was. But I need my dessert.”

Shinsuke chuckled. “Kiss me.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Go wash the plates.”

“Kita-san, are you really telling me that in the middle of cuddling?” Atsumu's nose scrunched up in disbelief, pulling Shinsuke closer to him. 

Shinsuke put his arm on Atsumu's stomach. “We've been cuddling for an hour.”

“And so?” Atsumu kissed Shinsuke's head. “I missed ya.”

“Will you stay for tonight?”

“Yeah. No work tomorrow.”

“Good. It feels cold without you.” Shinsuke nuzzled Atsumu's neck. 

“I'm starting to think yer falling in love with me.”

“You wish.”

“Mean, Kita-san.” Atsumu sighed. “Seriously though, are ya gonna settle with this?”

Shinsuke looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“Yer not gonna find a man? We both know we won't be fucking forever.”

“I don't wanna find someone yet. How about you? Yer still waiting for Shoyo-kun?”

Atsumu froze to his spot. “I don't even know if I should. He's probably gonna marry his boyfriend soon.” he replied.

“Why not choose me?”

“Kita-san.”

Shinsuke laughed. “Didn't you ever think about what would happen if we were together instead?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

Shinsuke got up and leaned back on the headrest. “Was I ever enough for you?”

Atsumu stared at him in disbelief. “Why are you asking me these questions, Kita-san? Am I missing out on something?”

Shinsuke smiled. “I love you.”

He finally said it. 

He knew this night would end bad after saying such a thing, but he couldn't keep it in him anymore. He's tired, tired of just doing nothing, tired of just waiting. He knew it's risky to tell Atsumu what he really feels, but it felt like a burden in his chest that he needed to let out so bad.

“Yer joking, Kita-san.”

“I hate it, I've always hated it when you leave at night for Shoyo, when I'm left all alone, just yearning for you. I've always hated the truth that you will never choose me over him, even for once.”

_“Shinsuke.”_

Shinsuke heaved a sigh. “It's fine. But Atsumu, can I ask you a question?”

Atsumu remained silent.

“Will I ever be enough?”

  
  
Atsumu still remained silent.  
  



End file.
